It's Christmas, so...

Around this time every year, I find myself reflecting and evaluating where I am at spiritually, gauging where I would like to be, and scrambling to somehow bridge the gap between the two. This year seems to be just like the rest. I can't help but think about how I wish I were doing a better job of being like Christ. Try as I might, I feel like I fail time and time again. I usually end up journaling about it, because getting my thoughts organized makes me feel like I have some kind of plan of action in place.
So what's the scoop this time? I constantly find myself wishing that I were demonstrating more patience, kindness, and gentleness in my life. Let's be honest, I could definitely use more love, joy and peace as well. I know that if I had more of these readily evident in my life, they would be far reaching into every part of my day.
So what do I do and how do I get there? I know that the number one thing that I've been missing is a community of Christians to share fellowship with. Our family hasn't consistently gone to church since Judah was born. It is a crappy thing to blame our lousy church attendance on the fact that we have two young children, but it has sadly been our crutch for a long time. We've averaged about once a month this past year, which I can confidently say is an improvement from the year before. So, my new aim is to get to church twice a month.
It seems that when we are attending church "regularly" (I use the term loosely), I am drawn to read my Bible. The two naturally go hand in hand for me. It's not that the Bible is less important than physically stepping foot inside a church, but I know that when I do, the other will easily follow behind.
In turn I know that these two things will have a positive effect on me, which will spill over into my everyday life - my marriage, my parenting, my duties, my friendships, my life.
In conclusion, church is no longer an option. It is a requirement. No more late Saturday nights which cause groggy Sunday mornings for the whole family. No more putting sporting events in place of our spiritual health. No more lazy excuses.

Goodbye, FAT!

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I'm kind of shocked by this because it came so unexpectedly. Since January 1st of this year, I've lost over 25 pounds! I started off the year eating healthy and exercising. I didn't continue to eat the best way all the time, but I kept exercising and that alone helped me shed about 10 pounds.
About two months ago, I cut out all carbs and sugar. I've been eating lean proteins and tons of fruit and veggies along the way. I have continued to exercise (with a short break at the beginning of my carb hiatus) and I've dropped another 15 pounds. I feel great right now and I am so proud of myself! Even though I didn't get to run that half marathon earlier this year, I still managed to drop a significant amount of weight and have recently made a wonderful lifestyle change.
I have started integrating only healthy carbs back into my diet. I am trying to stay away from all of the excess sugar, flour, and basically junk that does nothing but slow me down and weigh me down. I haven't felt this great in a long time.
I feel that I've broken some of my bad eating habits, like eating late at night, mindless snacking and just over eating in general. My new rule is nothing to eat after dinner. It hasn't been easy because mouth watering food seems to be around every corner I turn, but I hope that everything I've learned can stick, especially through the holidays. Of course, now that the bulk of my weight loss is behind me, I am going to start allowing myself one day per weekend to just eat however and whatever I want. After all, part of living a full life is enjoying food!
I would still like to lose about 5 more pounds so that I feel like I'm comfortably in a good weight range that allows me a little bit of wiggle room.
My only complaint is that my wardrobe is quite loose. I had to invest in a good belt to hold me over until I am ready to start collecting clothes that fit me. It's definitely a good problem to have.

Last Days of Summer

We had a glorious month of August and early September here in western Washington. All of the sunshine that we were lacking earlier in the year seemed to (almost) be made up for. I had forgotten what it was like to long for warm sunny days until this week. I am already missing the boost in vitamin D.
I got some great shots of the kids in the pool last week enjoying the last bits of our summer sunshine.

And of course I can't forget our "white trash Friday" that we had last week with Erica and Elijah. The boys did a "car wash" with the hose, buckets of water and their favorite push cars. They were down to their underwear in the process. Then they had popsicles while sitting in the very small sandbox. Needless to say, they were a couple of very happy, sandy little boys.

I can't forget our "sick" day that consisted of stuffy noses, popcorn and the kids watching Despicable Me. The movie was so charming and cute. I loved it and so did they.

On the same "sick day", the kids got into some mischief. This has been happening more often lately, as the kids are becoming more friendly with each other and less competitive. I honestly would rather have them get into trouble with each other than fight. But here is what happened: I gave the kids their milk cups at the same time. I left the room for about 1 minute. No more, no less. I came back in the room to find that they had shaken their milk cups all over every single couch cushion in the living room. Not just a light sprinkling either. They were drenched with milk. I scolded them and put them in time out. Instead of feeling bad and ashamed of what they had done, they giggled and talked to each other throughout their punishment. I couldn't help but feel happy and thankful that they were enjoying each other at the moment. 

I stripped the couch cushions and got them out of their time out chairs. I put their milk away and left them downstairs while I ran upstairs to throw the cushion covers in the wash upstairs. Gone not 2 minutes, I came back downstairs to find them ripping the cotton threads off the inside of the cushions and throwing them everywhere. They were in complete destructor mode. I was again mad at them, but thankful at the same time that they were working together and not against each other. How silly is that? So...we ended up with 5 bare couch cushions and one bare ottoman cushion. The kids decided we should make a slide (and be naked at the time). I couldn't help but enjoy every second of them sliding butt naked down the cushion. The pictures are few only because there were so many full frontal photos that I wasn't willing to publish all of them on the internet. I love my kids, mischief and all. The chair in the background is piled high with couch cushions and covered with a blanket so that they wouldn't continue to rip the stuffing off of them.

My Take

I followed the Casey Anthony story pretty closely once it went to trial. I actually don't remember when Caylee disappeared in 2008 or when her little body was discovered later that year. I was pregnant with Judah at the time and then taking care of a newborn. My mind was a perpetual blur.
I was absolutely floored when she was acquitted of all charges in July. It makes me so sick to think that something as plain as day could be ignored. You don't have to be the mother of a toddler to become ill when thinking about what happened to little Caylee. All you have to be is human.
I watched Dr. Phil's interview with George and Cindy Anthony yesterday and today. I now feel that I understand why and how this happened to Caylee. Cindy readily admits that after Caylee was born, Casey was different. Her mind wasn't the same. She would lie about everything from play dates to her job. She stole money from her parents and grandparents all the time. These warning signs of serious mental illness were completely ignored. Cindy insists that Casey was a good mother and that she never saw any indication that Caylee was in danger. I now see that Cindy was completely blind to the fact that her daughter needed help. She was sick in the brain and the signs were right in front of her. Not to mention the fact that Casey and Caylee were living with George and Cindy. When the two of them disappeared for 31 days, Cindy never thought anything seemed off. She just assumed that Casey was being rebellious and trying to keep Caylee from her. She didn't want to deal with the problems that were staring her right in the face.
I'm going to guess that Casey grew up very spoiled. She probably always got what she wanted and had her mom wrapped around her finger from day one. Nobody thought to question her actions and that is why she got away with murder.
This whole story is so disturbing and frustrating, but I feel a little more at peace now because I see how this happened. Even though the whole truth will probably never be known, it is settling to know that judgement day will bring justice to Caylee's murderer.

Grilled Turkey Burgers and Grilled Watermelon & Arugula Salad

This is definitely not a food blog, though it could turn into one if I decided to go that direction. I just wanted to share what I made for dinner tonight. It was incredibly tasty, filling and best of all healthy!
I haven't watched the Food Network in a WHILE. I used to watch it all the time when Andrew and I first got married. I haven't been feeling very inspired with my cooking lately, so I decided that I need to watch the Food Network more often. I grew up adoring cooking shows. I couldn't wait for Saturday afternoons when PBS would air cooking show after cooking show. I've always loved to watch people cook. So, with some newfound inspiration, I made grilled turkey breast burgers and a grilled watermelon and arugula salad.
I sliced the watermelon into steaks, brushed the sides with olive oil and placed them on the well oiled and very hot grill for about 3 minutes per side. Basically just until the grill marks showed up. I layered a salad bowl first with organic arugula, then crumbed goat cheese, then the watermelon and repeated. I also made a simple balsamic reduction for the dressing and topped it off with more olive oil and salt and pepper. It was very different from an ordinary salad and very tasty. I was a little bothered by how much liquid ended up at the bottom of the bowl, but I suppose it was only because the watermelon was so juicy. Ingredients: arugula, goat cheese, watermelon, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, salt & pepper. Calories: 171

The turkey burgers were just mouthwatering. I took a pound of ground turkey breast and mixed it with chopped onion, Italian parsley, an egg and salt and pepper. I made those into patties and threw them on the grill with the watermelon steaks. I also whipped up a garlic aioli out of light mayo, smashed garlic cloves and salt and pepper. I topped the turkey patties with white cheddar and let them melt on the grill. I toasted a few whole wheat hamburger buns and sliced up an avocado, tomato and onion to go on top of the burgers. When they came off the grill, we were ready to dig in. Definitely a hit with Andrew. Judah wouldn't touch his and Audrey was preoccupied with the mountains of fruit that she couldn't stop shoveling into her mouth. She also begged for more and more avocado. Oh well, it just means that I will have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. Ingredients: ground turkey breast, onion, parsley, garlic, tomato, avocado, light mayo, whole wheat bun. Calories: 489

Obviously you could cut some calories out of both recipes by omitting the olive oil, mayo or cheese and you could easily substitute the thick bun for those new lower calorie thin ones. 

I decided to eat the full calorie version as a reward for spending two hours at the gym. The first hour was spent in a body pump (weight lifting class). The second hour was spent shaking my ass at Zumba. I have to say that even though I'm not super happy with how my body looks right now, I was really excited when I realized how great my arms look. We had to do tricep dips for body pump and while I was looking in the mirror at myself, I noticed that my arm muscles look pretty great! It made me feel good to know that even though I have some areas that need a lot of help, I have at least one area that looks awesome.

Baseball Birthday Bonanza

Yesterday was Judah's 3rd Birthday party, which happened to be a very summery day. Our house and yard were full of family, friends and food. I asked Judah several weeks ago what kind of party he would like to have and he declared that he wanted a baseball birthday. I was delighted to find some very creative ideas on different blogs about what kind of food to serve and what decorations to make. It was a lot of fun (and a lot of work, phew!) to put it all together.
My favorite part were the banners I made. I wish I had gotten better pictures of them, but here they are Judah's pennant banners.

My least favorite part were the cake pops. I have made cake pops before and they were fabulous. I had no trouble with them the first time whatsoever. This time was completely different. I had trouble with them from start to finish. No matter, they tasted delicious - red velvet cake and cream cheese frosting. Note to any cake pop attempters: Use caution when making during warm weather and keep them in the fridge/freezer up until the very last second.

We served ball park food. Basically things you could order at an M's game like hot dogs, garlic fries, lemonade, peanuts, licorice and kettle corn. I only got messy pictures after everyone had dug in.

The kids enjoyed lots of bubbles, a sand pit and the slide. All in all, Judah was very happy with his birthday and is thoroughly enjoying his plethora of new toys. We were blessed to be able to share the day with many family members and friends.

Good News?

I had my appointment with the Bone & Joint Surgery Center at UW yesterday. I saw a Physician's Assistant because the doctor I was referred to wasn't going to be available for a few more weeks. The PA was kind, knowledgeable and calming. She took a look at my X-rays and MRI pictures. Her first comment was that the tumor looks calcified around the edges, which means that it has likely been there for a while. She seemed to think as far back as high school. She went on to say that it doesn't look very aggressive. It isn't growing and changing rapidly. She is, however, concerned that it is causing me pain. Pain is usually a sign that it is active. The only way to determine how active the tumor is, is with a bone scan. By determining it's activity level, they can further determine what the next steps should be.
The reason she didn't want to just take a biopsy, is because they would have to drill through the strong part of my bone. This would be major surgery with a recovery of at least a few weeks. It would also weaken my bone and make me more prone to injuries. Needless to say, the biopsy will only be done if absolutely necessary.
My bone scan will be done on August 22nd, which is the first day that my doctor can see me. He will go over the results right afterwards with me and then come up with a plan.
I definitely feel some relief, but I know that I don't have the answers that I need yet.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me and is continuing to pray.

Happenings

I want to write about my great disappointment that I was unable to participate in the Rock N Roll Half Marathon last month. I signed up for it in March and was determined to give it my all. I started running as often as my body would let me. For the first few weeks I was fine. Then I began to develop shin splints. They were incredibly painful, but I was determined to push through and not let the pain keep me from competing. After a few more very painful weeks, I decided I needed to rest a bit and then pick right back up where I left off. This continued over the next few months. Running, pain, rest, repeat. Running, pain, rest, repeat. I chalked it all up to a bad case of shin splints and a crappy pair of overpriced insoles.

Finally, with just a few weeks to go before the big race, I decided to see the doctor to rule out any damage I might have done by running with shin splints. I thought that perhaps I had developed a stress fracture. My doctor took X-rays and assured me that I did not have a stress fracture. I wasn't sure what to do, but still wanted to run the race as long as I wasn't in pain the day before. Then I got a call back from my doctor telling me that it seemed odd that I was still having such pain from plain old shin splints. She was also put off by the fact that the pain seemed to only be in my left shin since most times, it occurs in both shins.
I scheduled an appointment with the orthopedist that she referred me to. I almost didn't go to my appointment because I thought it was nothing. All this could possibly be was a case of bad luck and crappy shin bones, right? Wrong. The doctor took one look at my X-ray and noticed an "abnormality". Great. Nothing like the word "abnormal" to give you a good scare. "Worst case scenario, you have a cancerous bone tumor," he told me. I laughed because it seemed absurd. It was probably nothing, but he wanted to do an MRI to be certain that it was just a bad case of shin splints. I had the MRI the next day and waited an entire week to sit down with him and the results. I had pushed all negative thoughts out of my mind at that point and knew that this appointment would be quick. I would be on my way with the advice to ice and rest my leg.
Wrong again. The doctor walked into the room and pretended to flip through my MRI images. He already knew what he had to tell me. "It doesn't look good," he said. "It's a bone tumor." I was stunned; completely floored. I didn't even know what to say. "I'm sending you to the best doctor in Seattle....he specializes in bone tumors....you'll need to have a biopsy." I could not believe what I was hearing. I couldn't even think of anything to say or ask.
These past few days have been difficult. The first one was the hardest. I played every possible worst case scenario in my mind over and over. Cancer. Chemo. Radiation. My husband. My kids. What will they do without me? What if I lose my leg? I was a mess all day. I googled the name of the doctor I was to see and the first result that came up was: Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Great. "I have Cancer," was all I could think all day.
Although that fear is still very present in my mind, I have floated back down to earth a bit and am feeling much more positive and hopeful. I wouldn't say that I've delved into the Bible much this past year. Not sure why, but I have been distant. So needless to say, that was where I knew I needed to go - to God's word which is the only place that can offer any kind of true peace. A friend of mine sent me a bunch of scripture verses that hit me right where I needed it. I have to say that no matter what happens I know that I am not alone. I can find comfort and strength in the midst of chaos, fear and uncertainty from the one true source of peace - Jesus.
For now, I wait. I would highly covet your prayers that God would heal me and that this bone tumor would be gone when the doctor goes to look for it on July 13th.

Neglect

I have severely neglected my photo blog and feel that I have altogether given up on my 365 day journey. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be to take a photo of something new and interesting every single day. I know this probably means that I am just lacking in creativity. I am disappointed with myself that I let so much time get away from me without purposefully taking a new picture every day. Maybe one day soon I'll feel inspired and decide to start up again. For now, the year long photo journal was a bust for me.

In other news, I feel that motherhood and parenting has becoming increasingly difficult these last few months. Now that Audrey is walking and has been for a while, it seems that my job description has become more of a referee than a mom. Judah and Audrey seem to constantly fight with each other. Yes, they do have their sweet moments when they get along and giggle about the same thing. That lasts for about 30 seconds and then the bickering continues. It's exhausting to say the least. I look forward to the day when they finally enjoy each other's company and can share with one another without being prompted by me.

And finally, I do have a few photos to share from my weekend away to Mt Baker with Andrew. We stayed in a little cabin in a very small town called Glacier. There was no cell service which these days is just plain weird. We drove out to Nooksack Falls and hiked around a bit. The falls were gorgeous and the greenery in the surrounding forest was stunning. The woods were so damp. I don't think they ever dry out, even on the warmest of summer days. After hiking around the falls, we drove all the way up Highway 542, which takes you straight to the summit of Mt. Baker. There was still plenty of snow on the mountain, and it even began to snow when we reached the top. We caught a quick view of Mt. Baker's peak, and learned that just adjacent to Mt Baker sits Mt Shuksan. A nice little geography lesson. Unfortunately, it was quite cloudy, so our visibility was low.

4/7

Thursday my sisters Erica and Tami came over for dinner and hang out time. Judah and Elijah had a great time together. Fueled by these cookies that they "made" together, they stayed up until 10 pm acting the way that crazy two year old boys do.

4/6

4/5

The great newspaper shred of 2011. I let the kids have at it with some ads I got in the mail. They were laughing hysterically and covering each other in newspaper. I'm angry that my camera was not cooperating, or rather that I was too stupid to notice that the lens wasn't focused properly. Oh well. You get the idea.