Happenings

I want to write about my great disappointment that I was unable to participate in the Rock N Roll Half Marathon last month. I signed up for it in March and was determined to give it my all. I started running as often as my body would let me. For the first few weeks I was fine. Then I began to develop shin splints. They were incredibly painful, but I was determined to push through and not let the pain keep me from competing. After a few more very painful weeks, I decided I needed to rest a bit and then pick right back up where I left off. This continued over the next few months. Running, pain, rest, repeat. Running, pain, rest, repeat. I chalked it all up to a bad case of shin splints and a crappy pair of overpriced insoles.

Finally, with just a few weeks to go before the big race, I decided to see the doctor to rule out any damage I might have done by running with shin splints. I thought that perhaps I had developed a stress fracture. My doctor took X-rays and assured me that I did not have a stress fracture. I wasn't sure what to do, but still wanted to run the race as long as I wasn't in pain the day before. Then I got a call back from my doctor telling me that it seemed odd that I was still having such pain from plain old shin splints. She was also put off by the fact that the pain seemed to only be in my left shin since most times, it occurs in both shins.
I scheduled an appointment with the orthopedist that she referred me to. I almost didn't go to my appointment because I thought it was nothing. All this could possibly be was a case of bad luck and crappy shin bones, right? Wrong. The doctor took one look at my X-ray and noticed an "abnormality". Great. Nothing like the word "abnormal" to give you a good scare. "Worst case scenario, you have a cancerous bone tumor," he told me. I laughed because it seemed absurd. It was probably nothing, but he wanted to do an MRI to be certain that it was just a bad case of shin splints. I had the MRI the next day and waited an entire week to sit down with him and the results. I had pushed all negative thoughts out of my mind at that point and knew that this appointment would be quick. I would be on my way with the advice to ice and rest my leg.
Wrong again. The doctor walked into the room and pretended to flip through my MRI images. He already knew what he had to tell me. "It doesn't look good," he said. "It's a bone tumor." I was stunned; completely floored. I didn't even know what to say. "I'm sending you to the best doctor in Seattle....he specializes in bone tumors....you'll need to have a biopsy." I could not believe what I was hearing. I couldn't even think of anything to say or ask.
These past few days have been difficult. The first one was the hardest. I played every possible worst case scenario in my mind over and over. Cancer. Chemo. Radiation. My husband. My kids. What will they do without me? What if I lose my leg? I was a mess all day. I googled the name of the doctor I was to see and the first result that came up was: Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Great. "I have Cancer," was all I could think all day.
Although that fear is still very present in my mind, I have floated back down to earth a bit and am feeling much more positive and hopeful. I wouldn't say that I've delved into the Bible much this past year. Not sure why, but I have been distant. So needless to say, that was where I knew I needed to go - to God's word which is the only place that can offer any kind of true peace. A friend of mine sent me a bunch of scripture verses that hit me right where I needed it. I have to say that no matter what happens I know that I am not alone. I can find comfort and strength in the midst of chaos, fear and uncertainty from the one true source of peace - Jesus.
For now, I wait. I would highly covet your prayers that God would heal me and that this bone tumor would be gone when the doctor goes to look for it on July 13th.